Also in recent news, I found out my husband is being deployed for two months. And we had plans for two things during that time. One being his father visiting us and the other being our birthday. I hate spending our birthday apart and it has always been a deployment that keeps us from spending it together. I’m going to have to alter my plans to celebrate our birthday after he gets back.

Finances are still meh. I haven’t found any work and I haven’t had any replies from job applications. It greatly annoys and depresses me that over the last almost two years I have put in well over one thousand applications (and that is not an overstatement, by any means) and I’ve gotten only a handful of interviews (literally, like five). Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my resume nor are my cover letters bad, but with the economy like it is every company is being flooded with applications that they now have to REALLY sort through. Where one day I would have gotten dozens of calls, my application falls to the wayside with everyone else who isn’t a perfect match for the position. In addition, if they can find someone for the grunt jobs that has no experience, they’d rather hire the person they can pay squat for.

But I’m looking into some scheduling for the months of August and September at the Fleet Family Services office to go in and see if there is anything I can do to improve my chances. They have a lot of stuff I’ve never taken advantage of and I really should. I mean, if I don’t exhaust every free service I can then I can’t say I’ve done everything I could right?

Well anyhow. I’m out of school BUT I’ve started relearning French. In addition to that I’m going to brush up on some coding things I need to prep myself for the upcoming session of classes. This brings up another ranty sort of topic. More like yelling at myself. I miss being smart, feeling smart and not feeling like I’m lagging behind. I need to relearn how to study again.

…. hrmm, what else. I’m crafting again. Knitting and crocheting now to prep for winter as I mentioned. I’m looking into venues to sell my stuff locally too. There is a market on the last Saturday of August and September I think I will go to. I just need to purchase a table and such, though it would be awfully hippie-like of me to sell it straight from a blanket ahaha! But if anyone has any ideas of where to look for sales, let me know!

The weather continues to be hot as hell. And I haven’t been to the beach in weeks. I have a day bus pass in my wallet though just begging me to take it to the beach :lol:. I have zero qualms going anywhere all by myself. I could lay on the beach all day with my iPod and be perfectly content. I think I will go later this week. I love the beach..

Anyhow! Lani is still doing alright. It seems her leg is healing just fine cause it doesn’t seem to bother her one single bit, save for the cast being a chew toy still. She’s had the cast on for about a month now. I’ll have to take her in later this week to get it checked and probably re-wrapped. And the bigger pups are doing just fine. They are eating plenty of Dog Chow and fattening up.

Well that’s all for now. See ya later!

Anyhow, school is finished (thank the gods)! I did alright and I’m very excited about not having any school till September (the day before my birthday). Though I will have plenty of things to do till then, including editing Nathan’s book and reading some others. And lots and lots of crafting.

Speaking of crafting, I posted some of the stuff I’ve made on Etsy. (keeshiabarker.etsy.com) And I added something to the sidebar (over there >>> ) that shows the latest items to be added to the store. I have a lot more to add for the photography section and I need to add a knitting/crochet section. I have some pieces of jewelry I’m working on at the moment so hurrah for more things to sell! I have one cross left so I’ll be making another rosary to put up for sale. And then I’ll be focusing on bracelets/anklets/necklaces because I don’t have many of those. When we get into August I’ll be focusing on pumping out scarves to prepare people for autumn/winter.

And to let ya’ll know, come back to the blog on Saturday night as there will finally be a post for the giveaway I have been planning!

Somewhere in the midst of this work I’ll be breaking to cook some steak and potatoes. I found some very yummy looking cuts that were modestly priced at Farm Fresh, of all places, and Joshua and I have both felt blah for not having real food more often. I miss being able to cook but with the budget we have it’s just not feasible. We don’t even have one real dinner a week anymore. It’s horrid and we get very excited at the prospect of real food. The hubby will be taking his to work and will probably gloat about it to the other guys in the shop (he does that any time he has a cookie and they don’t, mature, I know ). And I will be eating mine and working on my polSci homework. It shouldn’t take too long, I just have to do an essay test and throw up some more discussion on the boards. And if I do it all on time (read: don’t get wrapped up in the coding and forget its midnight), I’ll have full points this week :h: Yes, I’m very excited at that prospect.

Tomorrow begins finals week, and thankfully doesn’t include some uber long coding project anymore so far less hectic than finals past. I wish it were possible to have just one class at a time, but then I’d be in school so much longer. Granted I’d probably graduate with a much higher GPA if I did, but I’m more concerned with time and getting my butt out into the workforce and being able to feed myself again. I may even add some more classes to get it done faster if I can. I’m so burnt out on school its not even funny. Six years of this non-stop academia has fried my patience and focusing abilities.

Oh well, onwards we go! *Cracks the whip*

Anyhow! This is my new mantra. Every time I don’t feel like doing homework or chores or going for a bike ride or run on the elliptical I tell myself: Just do it. Get it over with right? Then I’ll be able to go onto something a bit more fun. For instance, I just paid bills and now I’m going to journal for a bit. Then I’m going to tackle eight chapters of note taking. Oh yeah, my hand is gonna hurt after that, but oh well. What on my body DOESN’T hurt these days? My face maybe? heh

I’ve been slacking just as much on my journaling as I have been my blogging. Neither of which is good. I can’t stress enough the importance of journaling, I really can’t. If you a thought-having-human you should journal (which I hope to god is most of my readers). Not only does it help you get things out of your system, but later on you can go back and look at where you have been, how you’ve changed, and if you are in a situation like me – what has been plaguing you and for how long. Granted I tend to journal now only when I want to rant but once upon a time I wrote at least a page every day. I’d like to get back into that habit.

Speaking of habits, ugh. I have one I really, REALLY need to break. Something I’m doing RIGHT NOW. *corrects* Sitting in my desk chair cross legged. I’m horrible at it. I blame you mom! lol (funny because I know she’s gonna read that and go wtf yo ) Nah, it’s just comfortable to have my legs turned out. I should probably blame dancing, but I don’t have the heart to blame that.  I have much better posture when I sit that way as well, which is another thing I need to correct – I need to sit up straight again. I used to almost never slouch, now I’m almost never sitting up straight. And it causes a lot of back pain because of the switch. I should really just go back to sitting on my yoga ball at my desk. Then there is no option for crossing my legs nor slouching.

In other news, I’ve applied for a job at the local art museum as their webmaster and I’m really, really hoping I get called for an interview. Not only do I really need to go back to work, but it’s a very good opportunity for me. It would be an awesome place to work and its only a 10 minute bike ride, or a short drive. So cross your fingers for me? I could really use all the positive energy I can get.

As for the “short drive” comment, I officially have all the paperwork sorted out for my new Jeep (thanks Nate!). I got the official title today in the mail and the new Tennessee (pretty) license plate a few days ago. New I just need to insure it and put a new battery in and I shall be learning to drive it! Should be interesting. Wonder how many times I’ll stall the first time I take it out lulz!

Off to get things accomplished! Do the same!

Soooo… I’ve been thinking about going to therapy. I’ve been looking to find a psychiatrist close by that I can go see. Yes, a psychiatrist, not a psychologist. Since I want to try out a different anti-depressant, I need someone able to prescribe it rather than going to my family doctor for it. Essentially I’m facing a reality I wanted to deny and that is that I am still in a depression and I have been, whether on and off or not, for the last… four years? And after watching this documentary and finding our what long term depression actually does to your brain, I’ve decided it’s not a good idea to continue ignoring the fact that I have it and come to grips with the fact that no matter how much I may want to be able to get better on my own, I can’t.

Depression has had a horrid impact on my ability to function. And I mean that in many different ways. I’ve become a horrible student and it’s cost me time, money, and stress that I don’t even want to begin tabulating. I was dropped from my Java class with session due to my inability to do my work. Shameful, I know but I knew it was coming. While I’m upset at myself for not being able to pull through, it was something that made me stop and say, “What am I doing?” and really reevaluate where I am. It’s also giving me the change to focus on my other course without distractions of being behind in another class. So I can still salvage a good grade (B+ to A-) from the only class I have left this session.

As far as relationships, I think I’ve been a downer. I’ve always felt a sense of duty to my husband, to be there for him, because in the past I haven’t always been. I kind of do it to a fault now though. A typical military wife sort of idea that I always have to be the strong rock for him to lean on I guess. And most of all depression has made me cling to a flaw I have always had – bottling everything up until I explode. I mean, this is a prime example, I’ve gone four years knowing I should get help and have I? No.

I feel like I would be in a much different place, be much different (better) if I had gotten help when I first hit bottom. And now that I’ve waited so long I think it will take twice as long to recover.

In other news, the weather has been hectic, up and down, sunny then rainy, hot and humid. I’ve not been going out into it much unless I need something. I’ll be going today to the store to get some groceries and such but I doubt I’ll venture out for anything else. I went to the mall Monday. That was fun as I hadn’t biked there before and I got a few tank tops & a pair of earrings. I also played with the new HTC Evo and can’t wait to get one.

I have a lot of work to do later today. Lets just hope I can focus long enough to get it done.

Saturday neither of us felt like going to the grocery so we took a stroll down to Taco Bell. We also got some packs of Boylans, the company that makes my new favorite drink: creamy red birch beer (because FarmFresh stopped carrying their brand of birch beer *cry*). Granted it’s expensive, $4.50 for a four pack of glass bottled soda, but damn is it good. And hey! I got homework done ON TIME on Saturday. Holy shit right?

Sunday we took the car (YAY) to the grocery store. I say yay because OMFG we’ve been having such a bad time with our vehicles. Stupid things, still need a $70 part for the Camero and a new battery for the Jeep which is like.. $90. MEH!! But anyhow, we got all the fixin’s for our BBQ feast. Fired up the grill last night just before 9 and Josh made the BBQ chicken (leg quarters) and I made the sides which included: corn on the cob (yellow), sour cream & onion mashed potatoes, and baked beans.

And today we had more of our feasty food I made some deviled eggs to go with it instead of corn for today. SOOO yummy! I can’t tell you how good it feels to cook and eat real food again. It’s well… it’s comforting, and that’s the only way I know how to describe it.

Obviously we’ve done more than just eat this weekend. Otherwise I’d be fat as a house. We had exercise on our bikes Friday, I did homework and housework on Saturday, we had pooping and peeing incidents from Ada on Sunday (ugh, that sucked to clean), and then today we’re sort of just hanging out. I have a bunch of dishes to wash some time today and homework to do. Joshua goes to work this evening because he’s back on Mid-check (midnight shift). Yep, ANOTHER shift change. These people are apparently inconsistent, to say the least. The worst thing about it is now the hubby won’t be playing soccer, or if he does he has to bike to the game, play the game, bike home, then bike to work later and bike home after. Twice a week. That’s A LOT of biking. Maybe if we get that part he can take the car to the games. We’ll have to see. Cross your fingers! I like my baby getting to do something fun, like soccer which he loves.

We’ve both been playing Oblivion still too heh. I still haven’t gotten very far but I’m enjoying it. I started a new character Saturday because I was cheating too much on the old one lol! Decided to just scrap it and start over so now I have a Nord mercenary … so essentially a Viking

In other news: I made myself a new desktop for June featuring my beloved Tare Panda, who I recently found in a box. I’m on another Sanrio kick I guess. Sue me. But feel free to use it if you like. It is a 2560×1600 res.

June 2010 Wallpaper ft. Tare Panda