It’s quite unfortunate and really bugging me

The biggest thing I have gleaned so far from this book is a new conscious effort to examine what I do – especially when dealing with others. I’ve also rediscovered the importance of meditation. Once upon a time I would meditate at least 20 minutes a day. This time was spent realigning my mind, so to speak. I would think about things that happened or would happen that day, problems I was having and how to solve them, and generally putting myself into a better state – emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. This is something I very much need back in my life and it’s already been added to the schedule.

Yep, I’ve drawn up a schedule. It starts August 2nd and will go on for as long as I can manage it. It includes work out time, meditation times, studying/coursework, design work, crafting, and reading times. It also has set times for eating with only two meals a day – breakfast and early dinner – but has two snack times, one around lunch time and one in the evening. I’ll be removing any sort of food from my office and elsewhere in the house and making it all stay in the kitchen. It’s not that I have a bad diet, I don’t really. But I don’t eat when I should and it’s making it difficult to keep a steady energy level throughout the day. I’ll also be altering my diet to be higher in fruit/veg/grain with portions of pork/chicken for dinner. Need to work protein into my diet, as I’ve not been ingesting enough of it. And I need to get back on my vitamins and supplements.

As for exercise, I’ll be doing an hour of cardio in the morning before meditation. And then another half hour or so in the evening while on the phone with my mom – so she can get her butt on the treadmill too! (And you better mom cause I’m buying a Bluetooth headset for that explicit purpose!) I’ll be changing adding in some bowflex exercises 3 times a week, on top of the daily cardio. I’m really hoping to lose some weight while the hubby is away. I have 10 weeks, that’s potentially what? 30 pounds or so? That would put be down to 133lbs That would be a very nice improvement.

So anyhow, it’s high time for change and I’m going to do it this time. No more saying and not doing!

Also in recent news, I found out my husband is being deployed for two months. And we had plans for two things during that time. One being his father visiting us and the other being our birthday. I hate spending our birthday apart and it has always been a deployment that keeps us from spending it together. I’m going to have to alter my plans to celebrate our birthday after he gets back.

Finances are still meh. I haven’t found any work and I haven’t had any replies from job applications. It greatly annoys and depresses me that over the last almost two years I have put in well over one thousand applications (and that is not an overstatement, by any means) and I’ve gotten only a handful of interviews (literally, like five). Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my resume nor are my cover letters bad, but with the economy like it is every company is being flooded with applications that they now have to REALLY sort through. Where one day I would have gotten dozens of calls, my application falls to the wayside with everyone else who isn’t a perfect match for the position. In addition, if they can find someone for the grunt jobs that has no experience, they’d rather hire the person they can pay squat for.

But I’m looking into some scheduling for the months of August and September at the Fleet Family Services office to go in and see if there is anything I can do to improve my chances. They have a lot of stuff I’ve never taken advantage of and I really should. I mean, if I don’t exhaust every free service I can then I can’t say I’ve done everything I could right?

Well anyhow. I’m out of school BUT I’ve started relearning French. In addition to that I’m going to brush up on some coding things I need to prep myself for the upcoming session of classes. This brings up another ranty sort of topic. More like yelling at myself. I miss being smart, feeling smart and not feeling like I’m lagging behind. I need to relearn how to study again.

…. hrmm, what else. I’m crafting again. Knitting and crocheting now to prep for winter as I mentioned. I’m looking into venues to sell my stuff locally too. There is a market on the last Saturday of August and September I think I will go to. I just need to purchase a table and such, though it would be awfully hippie-like of me to sell it straight from a blanket ahaha! But if anyone has any ideas of where to look for sales, let me know!

The weather continues to be hot as hell. And I haven’t been to the beach in weeks. I have a day bus pass in my wallet though just begging me to take it to the beach :lol:. I have zero qualms going anywhere all by myself. I could lay on the beach all day with my iPod and be perfectly content. I think I will go later this week. I love the beach..

Anyhow! Lani is still doing alright. It seems her leg is healing just fine cause it doesn’t seem to bother her one single bit, save for the cast being a chew toy still. She’s had the cast on for about a month now. I’ll have to take her in later this week to get it checked and probably re-wrapped. And the bigger pups are doing just fine. They are eating plenty of Dog Chow and fattening up.

Well that’s all for now. See ya later!

Anyhow, Wednesday night I had a good workout. I’m getting a little better at being consistent but I’m also in PMDD mode right now so honestly if I don’t feel like it tonight, it ain’t happenin’. Which is likely since I just busted my ass doing the guest room and Joshua will likely want to drag me to the grocery store to get food for himself. I went yesterday after my trip to Starbucks (where I got a free vanilla bean frap and edited some of Nathan’s book).

So what did I get at the grocery? Lots of fresh yummies. Essentially I’m tired of eating junk. I don’t mean junk food (like pizza) but junk, food with no nutritional value, food that leaves me hungry again in an hour. And with all the bike riding and exercising I know I haven’t been getting enough good stuff into my body because I stay sore much longer than I should. My body doesn’t have the supplies to fix all the damage I’m doing to it. (Which, by the way, I’d like to report that my quads are becoming big rocks, woo! Now if the rest of my thighs would shape up ) So I bought….

• Romaine Lettuce
• Carrots (biggun’s not those lil snackers, I’ll cut em up myself thanks)
• Red Onion
• Asparagus
• Broccoli (for Joshua)
• Yellow Nectarines (my favorite fruit, period)
• Bananas
• Red Grapes
• Radishes
• Koolaid (Which I make with less sugar and more water than the cup it calls for)
• 1 whole cut up chicken (Which I baked with just some salt, pepper, and cumin and is for topping the salads)
• Avocados (which I’ll be mashing up later)
• 1lb bag of Sourdough pretzels (Cause they are yummy to  snack on when I’m craving salty stuff)

And for something sweet, I will making my sugar cookies again. It’s been a while since I’ve made any and they are so cheap and easy. Not to mention they are to-die-for good. One batch yields something like 48 little cookies (I use a small biscuit cutter for them) and that only costs maybe $2 of ingredients. But I’m missing some so I’ll have to buy them at the store today (or whenever Joshua decides he wants to go). And they are things I can’t get around, like vanilla extract heh.

(And I love blogging and reminding myself about stuff I need ha!)

For the weather, I know it’s been hot as sin in most places – which is no less true here than there. It’s been in the 100′s several times this past week but yesterday we had a nice little reprieve. I was out at Starbucks at the peak heat hours and it was only 85! I actually sat outside under one of the umbrellas and was perfectly content. I could have sat there for several hours if I knew it wouldn’t have me spending money I don’t have! haha ;) You know I’m the Queen of that. (Bad habit I am desperately trying to stop doing)

Speaking of spending money, I shall be trying to convince Joshua to go to Orapax tonight. The Orapax is a local greek restaurant that’s in the middle of the bike trail we ride. It’s the place I may have mentioned that gives you free birthday dinner! But anyhow, they sent me an email with a coupon for July. It’s for 2 for 1 dinner. You just pay for 2 drinks and the higher priced item of the two dinners. We don’t get to go out and have good food very often so when we get an opportunity to do it cheaply, I jump at it.

What else is going on… hrmm… I’ve started making scarves for winter to sell on my Etsy. People look at me odd when I say that but in order to have any sort of inventory for winter I need to start now. That stuff doesn’t knit itself you know! (I wish it did, that’d be awesome :h:) And I want to have plenty for people to choose from.  I’m currently working with a sage green variegated yarn by homespun, so it’s going to be a very nice scarf when it’s finished. I’m going to do some crochet pieces as well and possibly a blanket or two (definitely not doing very many unless they are custom ordered. Those things take forever to finish). And of course I’m continuing to make jewelry pieces.

And to wrap it all up, I began watching a show last night called Live Nude Comedy. Before you get any ideas it’s not nude comedians it’s burlesque performers in between comedy sets. 2 comedians and 2 dancers per episode. It’s rather amusing to be honest. Not the best burlesque dancers I’ve ever seen but then I have the option of fast-forwarding if they suck, ha! I think I’ll go watch some more and probably get a “wtf?” look from Joshua when he finally gets home (where are you husband???).

So what have you been up to?

She pointed out the thought of shifting from being a “tell it all” blogger to censoring one’s words. My mom always nags about not putting things on my blog that could one day come back to bite me. Mostly to do with the fact that people hiring for jobs these days check out people’s online lives. IE: Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etcetera. I have a pretty active online social life. Between my games, facebook, twitter, blogging, and other avenues I put a lot of information out there about myself.

I’ve always been very open – especially online. I feel “safer” online. Ha, no I don’t mean safety from retaliation or backlash. I mean.. I’ve never been good at oral communication. I’ve gotten much better at it since I became an “adult” but I was and still am to a degree very introverted. But online I am able to pour out my heart and soul without having to worry about stumbling over my words, crying from frustration, and various other horrid side effects that people witness when they try to get me to talk.

Once upon a time you could throw any topic at me and I wouldn’t care. You could ask me the most intimate of questions and I would answer you, blatantly, honestly, and without hesitation. But since people have entered my little world a side of me has kicked in that I sometimes wish would well.. piss off.

I’m a Libra, through and through. I do not like confrontation. I will avoid it like the plague. Even if it means causing myself unbearable agony. I will bottle every little thing up until I burst… and then I’ll continue to do it. I want the people around me to be happy, even if it means I’m not allowed to be. And this trait has caused me more trouble than it’s probably worth in most cases. Yet I still feel the need to do it.

I can honestly say I miss being brave enough to just throw myself out there. I’ve never liked the thought of being accepted as a half truth. I’ve never liked having to censor myself. And I’ve never liked having to worry about what anyone thinks of me. And to be honest only two people really matter in that respect. But it’s an interesting display of dominoes. One topples onto another and it all becomes a grapevine, ending in the arrival of drama into my life. Drama that I don’t need and definitely don’t want.

So who knows how long it will last. But for now, I’ll keep the peace and not throw myself wildly out to the wind.

Overall it’s been a good weekend. We had a few little tiffs but nothing major. The weather has been nice and our outings pleasant. And I got my package from Victoria’s Secret – and it fits!! Woooo! Yes, I’m very freaking excited that it fits. Now, I’m not sure I have the balls to where it in public yet… with my big ol fat belly heh. Need to start working out regularly. I’ve been working out plenty with all the biking but not on a regular schedule. I have some yoga and dance things I want to do on rotation in addition to elliptical, at least three times a week. We’ll see how that goes since I’m starting tonight.